(Notes From a FB Live Sept 4 2018 ~ Click to Watch)

“Hug like it’s the last hug you will ever give. Be 100% present and intentional.” I wrote that this morning in order to really encapsulate the meaning I put into hugs today. I learned a powerful lesson about being present and being intentional especially when it comes to affection.

When I was a child growing up I was tolerated. I lived in “when you are happy I am safe” and “not yet dangerous.” I lived trying to anticipate the needs of others. When I had my own children, I never ever wanted them to feel like they were not important. That what they thought was important to me and I would get down on their level. If I made a rule and they wanted it changed, they had to convince me. It gave them personal responsibility and some control.

When my daughter was 12 (which is a vulnerable age) she asked me for a hug. I gave her one and she pushed me away and said “Mom! You aren’t even hugging me.” In that moment I realized it was true! And my mind flashed back to all the hugs I had given her recently and wondered how often she had felt that way – that I was giving her attention out of obligation. That she wasn’t important enough or good enough for my undivided attention. In that moment I was crushed and then got strategic.

I recognized that I may not always be able to remember to stop and be present, that this could happen again. My mind raced to a solution. It was the first time I discovered “cue” words. We had had a little family dinner a few nights previous at Fresgo’s Restaurant. It was a magical night. Full of love and fun and good food. Magical.

I told my sweet baby girl that when she needed my undivided attention, to ask me for a “Fresgo.” Code for “STOP and pay attention to me!!” It worked SO well! Gave her a simple method to express her need and gave me safety to know that I would be available to her immediately while I practiced getting in habit of being present with people. It was one small step in my healing journey💕

#hugs #daughters #clarity #communication #claimingwellness #selfgrowth #ptsd #relationships #coffee